


The girl

by LimabeanTM (orphan_account)



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Other, Social Anxiety, don't expect reads, needed to get some stuff out of my head, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 10:00:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11780802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/LimabeanTM
Summary: Just needed to scream things into writing, And for those who came thinking it was some yaoi stuff I'm sorry! I just got my wifi back and I'm having writers block for the story!





	The girl

Her heart began to pound, not in love, her eyes started to water and she blinked to hold it back. She held her mouth shut, she felt as if she was gonna throw up any minute. Her mind throwing a new thought at her every second, making her dizzy. What if she _did_ throw up? What if she _did_ make a fool of herself? Would _they_ laugh? How would she _hide_ from that? Her world was spinning, her eyes fogged, she blinked again looking up as of that would keep the tears in her eyes. She tried pulling herself back down to earth but she couldn't. She felt her body go numb, she was cold, so very cold.

She needed to excuse himself, she needed to go to the bathroom. She couldn't stand here a minute longer. More and more thoughts about every negative thing that _could_ happen. Her throat felt as if it was closing up, trapping any words in her throat. She wanted to scream, cry, and kick things around. But sat in her chair, someone had to notice by now. What if they did but no one _cares._ What if they thought he was _strange_? or _sick_? What if they _treated_  her differently?

Her skin felt dirty, dirty from stares she didn't know if they were real. What is _real_? What's going on? She felt heavy, glued to the ground. She felt as if the room was growing smaller, all she did was blink to keep the tears back and she was in the bathroom. The mirror it showed her how _ugly_ she was. Dark brown freckles on already tanned skin, brown hair cut unevenly. Dark eye bags only half seen, her big glasses covering the other half of them. A red scab below her too small of lips. A scar above her eyebrow, not noticeable to anyone but her. Ugly brown green and yellow eyes making her eyes look like a swamp. The mirror doesn't lie like the people around her.

Tears growing in the corner of her eyes. She really needed a hug, but it's girls like her who don't get hugs from someone who will love her and hush her, telling her she's the prettiest one. Just stares of pity, so she stitched her mouth shut. But now everything seemed to be slipping through her seams. Her body shook violently, only for a moment and she sobbed. She messed up. She never should have done the things she did. She should of lived at the gates of hell, now she lived in the very pits of hell.

She wishes he was real, but he was miles- worlds away. She wanted to disappear from the world, never should a trace of her be found. Maybe people would ask where she had gone? Maybe people might care? Maybe she'd have those dreams where you see life without you, and then you see you matter. She wanted those movie experience, where she's on the brink of death and then she sees that people really care. She poured more into the bottle and tied the cap on, it had long ago over filled.

She wanted to cry, sob, and scream. Why couldn't she have long red hair? Pretty green or blue eyes? Be slightly taller? Have a more round chin? A nicer nose? Prettier hands? Nails that weren't chipped? Beautiful dark or white skin? Why didn't she have long eye lashes? Why couldn't her chest be a little bigger? What could she do for a bigger butt? Why couldn't her voice be less high pitched? Why did her eyebrows grow hair the day after she plucks them? Did she have to be so dumb?

Why couldn't she be good at art like her mom and sisters? Why couldn't she be confident like others? Couldn't she at least be good at sports? Even an instrument? Why is she so scared to add one pound over 90lb? Why couldn't she eat food without getting sick? She could no longer look at food without loosing her appetite. Did she have to be so clumsy? Overwhelming? Weird? Loud? Annoying?

She saw herself so fat, they all said she was to skinny and short. "If you'd eat right you'd grow"

Why did she stay up to 4am every day? Why did she lay awake at night for hours wondering everything she is right now? Why did she have urges to cry over small interactions and situations? Was she to annoying? Did she spam your phone with stuff you didn't care about? Why didn't they answer? Its late, their sleeping. Or maybe they're ignoring you. What if the person you left is spreading horrible rumors about you?

What if they trash your locker? Why couldn't she just be home schooled? Why did she feel guilty when one person spent any money on her? Why was she so scared to spend money? Why couldn't she make eye contact?

Where was her movie ending? Where was her love? Where was her best friend who didn't mind she had all these questions and told these thoughts of hers to go away? Where was her life?

Why did she want to throw away her phone off a bridge, but then want to keep it right her at every second? Was her music weird? Would she be successful?

She wants to curl up in a little ball and disappear. She begs for that one thing to change her whole life. She was only 14, she shouldn't have these questions- these thoughts.

Would she be ok?

 


End file.
